My hair reeks of homosexuality.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
