I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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