I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my shit smells like andre
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
