Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize