You're so nebulous sometimes
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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