Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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