I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
