that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
false alarm. still invincible.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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