he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize