wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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