dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
two words...techno handjob
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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