im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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