You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
