evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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