he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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