can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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