Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
