I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
