Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
