I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
