Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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