The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've blown a few things in my day
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
