My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
