Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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