Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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