I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
