it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
