1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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