I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
