a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
