My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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