btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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