it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
