How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
