like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it glows. i had to have it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
