I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
