after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
