dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
