The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
