ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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