I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
