So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
