On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
