he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
