just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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