I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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