new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
