wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
