dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
