i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
