I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
