i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
