i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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