He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
