I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Pants are for mortals
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
