Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
