Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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