that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
