The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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