If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
