Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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